Let's get personal

I've thought a lot about whether to share this or not since this is rather private. The last year was tough.If I had known what was coming last August, I probably certainly would have fled the country, running for my life. As you might know both Hendrik and I were not happy with our relationship last August. In November 2010 we had moved into an appartment together and daily life and all the responsibilities you have when you have your own flat became too much for our relationship. We had to learn to make time for each other again.
However, while I tried to be critical with myself and search for solutions, hendrik started an affair that lasted almost six months ( I knew most of the time). Yet, he was not content with himself. He always loved me more than that other girl, but he also wanted to have fun. We have been together for like forever and it got boring. Plus he wanted to go to parties, drink and be young. I don't really like parties (maybe I should have gone with him sometimes).
In February, he became aware of what he had done and wanted to kill himself. Since then he has been in treatment and really changed. I wrote about all this in May. Hendrik completely stopped going out or drink alcohol. Instead he started studying really hard and did extra courses in university. I'm really proud of him.I did not believe he could change on February 16. Now, he really wants to buy a house as soon as possible (like 2016) and start a job. To wrap this all up, we both agreed that an intensive therapy in a psychiatry wouldbe necessary. This is a huge step. Last Thursday I dropped him off. Again, I would have refused to do it if I was him. It involves a lot of courage to walk into such an instiution and talk about your secret thoughts with a complete stranger. I could not have done it.
Since then he has not been allowed to use the phone in order to completely concentrate on himself. I suffered a lot. I don't know about him obviously.  I miss him beyond words. It was also especially strange since the last weeks were so great. We had almost forgotten why we were there. Sometimes I thought it was not necessary anymore. Today I received a letter from him (he can only write letters, not receive any). He was so full of love, hope and determination. When I first met him I was impressed by his faith. In the last year he had completely given up on it. In his letter he said that he felt that God was talking to him again and that he prayed a lot. It made me cry so bad. In the past year I prayed for healing for him and that we might have another chance together. But most of all I prayed for him to rediscover God. This is a true miracle. Thank you so much God!!!!!
Yet, most of my friends and family could not understand why I stayed with H. I could have had another guy who might give me what I deserved. But I stayed. It is hard to watch as a parent or a friend. And some eventually understood and were able to see Hendrik's miraculous change. Others were mad with me for staying. I don't understand this. My best friend (!!!) was mad. It's hard. It's hard feeling dumb because I let him do this this to me and still stay and have the feeling that everbody believes you are crazy. I wish I had received support. Instead I became lonely and had to fight on my own. I wish they had told me that I was doing the right thing when I decided to follow the hard path and believe in the good. Some people did. Right now, I'm so full of anger towards these people and would love to tell them. I don't call them friends anymore because you are supposed to support your friends and not walk away during one of the hardest parts of their life. A true friend is hard to find. I do not understand, will never understand why they left me. Maybe I'll write a message. It would feel so good.