Hoffnung

Manchmal sind es die Träume,
die dich überwintern lassen,
die dich in der Zeit abgestorbener Liebe
und erfrorener Hoffnung
in zarten Bildern ahnen lassen,
dass kahle Zweige morgen wieder Knospen treiben

Berlin- Day 3

I did not sleep very well due to my aching/itching feet. When I got up i could not walk properly, only tiptoe. My left foot was sooooooooo swollen. We went down to eat breakfast and Henny had to serve me. Afterwards we found out that our hotel for the night had been canceled!!!! And we could not find another one. Usually this would have made me freak out but since I could not walk properly I was sad and happy because it would not have mad any sense staying another night anyway.
So, we checked out of our fancy hotel and went to Berlin city. I bought some drugs for the swelling and itching and we set of to explore Berlin. I tiptoed the whole way. First stop: Brandenburger Tor


Bundestag

(You can see that I'm not really standing on my left foot)

Where Angie (Merkel) lives


Then we went to the main shopping road.


Henny and one of the Berlin bears

I hobbled behind Henny and then it even started to rain. Needless to say we had enough. Henny got aggressive again although I had endured all my pain only for HIM. But he seems to have gained the ability to cool himself down now, so we reconciled. Yet, since we had to drive home that night (since the hotel was cancelled, remember?)we got on the train back to the car. Henny started talking to his sis on the phone and he always wonders off when he's on the phone. Suddently, we were at the station were we had to get off and Henny was not with me. I panice since henny had my phone. I begged a passenger to PLEASE lend me his phone which he eventually did (after checking I was really trustworthy).We met again (on the train) and got off the station after the station we had originally been supposed to get off. When we descended the train I just started sobbing cause the world was soooo mean. I just could not take it any more. I could not take another step. I was completely done. Somehow, Henny convinced me to get up again and we got backl to the car. Henny drove till 1:30 am to get us home. I slept. I had had enoough for the day.
Im glad we took the trip because we urgently needed some time alone. Henny sometimes was unfair but he seems to change, so there's still hope left, right?



The sunset on the way home

Berlin- Day 2

We got up at about 8 and went down to eat our breakfast. They had a really great buffet with lots of fruit and other delicious stuff. Yummy!
Afterwards we got ready to leave and then drove half an hour to "Tropical Island". First we just discovered everthing, tried out the different pools. At noon I rested a bit while Henny went down the slides. After my rest he convinced me to join him at the slides and we went down together a few times. Then we hung out at the pool some more. At about 7:30 we were done and left.
We were very hungry so we dedcided to visit a restaurant. We sat outside which was a severe mistake since there were little nasty mosquitoes who happily started to attack both of us. I was only wearing sandals so they also attacked my feet....which lead them to swelling really bad and made me feel very uncomfortable :( Especially with a day of walking through Berlin ahead...




Henny coming out of a slide!





The fatal dinner!

Berlin- Day 1

We left around 9.30 with me behind the wheel :) We had planned to be at a pool in Erfurt by midday which we even managed to do. Yet, the weather didn't like us AGAIN! It was cloudy and we even got a few raindrops on our head. Yet, we went to the pool anyway. We swam a bit and went down slides (no, we'll never grow up).However, henny was not ....I even dont know the word, not even in German. He was the way he usually is at the moment and really freaked out when I asked him to take a shower before we left. Something little kids do, right?! In this very tense mood we arrive at his sis's appartment. She always been the one we bothered with our problems. She talked to us a bit. She has a very strong faith (for which Im jealous). Based on her faith she tried to explain a few things to Henny which kind of worked out since Henny behaved better afterwards and was on the phone a lot with her talking about ways to improve.
At around 4:30 we hit the roads again (Henny driving this time) , stopped at Mc Do and arrived at our hotel about 9 pm. It was a great hotel. Henny later found out a night in a double bedroom usually costs 130 Euros. But we only payed 79 euros for two nights and the day at the "Tropical Island"! Once we arrived at our hotel room I was very, very tired and so we just watched TV for a while and then went to sleep.

German Road Trip

From tomorrow on I'll be on a road trip with my bf. I'll start today by going to the town where I study. Theres a street festival today and I'll take my best friend with me and meet a few other people. I'll spent the night at the appartment naturally. Tomorrow I hope to leave early so we can be in Erfurt where my bf's sister lives by noon. There we'll go to a very cool pool(the summer finally decided to return), I love the pics on the internet. Then we'll meet up with my bf's sis, drink some coffe and then leave for Berlin. Actually, its near Berlin where we are going. After checking into the hotel we'll go to Poland to buy some cheap gas:)(not far away from where we are staying. On Monday we'll go to trpoical island. Here' s the Internet page: http://www.tropical-islands.de/



On Tuesday we'll move into a hotel in Berlin and spent the day and the next visiting our capital.
Im not really fond of Berlin although it has got an interesting history. I just look forward to pool, pools and some time with my boyfriend. And of course it is great to get out of here, just to see something different.
Tell me about your road trip!!!

Support

Today Hennys mom visited him in the appartment (which he hated of course). They went to buy a new closet since his one is broken. When he came back from their shopping trip he told me (on the phone since Im still at home)that he mom scolded hi for not being with me enough and spending too much time at the fraternity. Yeah!!!! A lot of people support me. Even his uncle who is a member of the traternity himself and soooo fond of it. They all tell him its not ok and he feels bad after that. But this wont change anything and I did everything in my power to change him. WE NEED SOME HELP! But I don't know were to get it, because people just talk and dont do anything. He would need an accountability partner who constantly reminds him of what he's got to do and especially what he should not do. My thought was to join a church group at the church we go to church on sundays when we are both at the appartment but Henny believes they would think bad of us because we live together and are not married.
Do you have any advice???

A bumpy road

In the last few days henny and I argued a lot. He works often and very spontaneously which makes me freak out. He spends a lot of time at his fraternity and sometimes is just so aggressive. He does not have a very good relationship with his mom because of unclear reasons (he grew up without his dad cause he died). Women probably just go on his nerves. Now he starts to treat me like his mom, the same aggressive way. Additionally, university probably is not the best time to find the love of your life. All his friends have constantly changing girlfriends or no girlfriends at all. Girlfriends mean responsibility because a realtionship is not only fun, but also work, especially if it lasts that long. He says he loves me which I know he does, but right now he just wants to be young and careless. I dont feel that way. Im proud not to have had that many boyfriends in my life. In my opinion too many bf mean a lot of heartbreak and I really dont need it. No thanks! What makes it even more complicated is our living together. Hes not the tidiest person in the world which I knew before, but I really didnt know he's that messy!!! Im constantly asking, begging him to PLEASE do this and that. Im already doing most of the work which is not ideal but ok as woman just do most of the work... thats at least what I guess. My parents do really support each other but then my mom works more than my dad which is not typical.
Today, we'll go to the pool. Yeah. He'll be there in 10 minutes. Hope it goes well. I really love him, want to spend the rest of my life whith him as he does. But I cant do it all alone and I need him to love me which he does but seldom shows.I feel like a wife after ten years of marriage BUT IM NOT!
Do you have any advice???

Birthday Party

I had a great little party in our appartment on Saturday. Saturday I was initially VERY tired because I had already celebrated two nights in a row. So I slept and then my parents drove me to the appartment. My mom helped me clean it and then my guests started to arrive. We had a nice time here and the headed out to a club where we danced, discussed peoples outfits and laughed sooo much.
Then one of my best friends called a mini car to get back to my appartmnent and the rest haeded home. It was two am by then. This is when we met Ammar. Our taxi driver.Hes from Tunis and misses his mommy :) My friend, J, started to talk to him and apparetly he liked her. There was another girl in the car who had to go to a city about 30 kilometers away. The original plan was to take us home first and the drive her home. But since Ammar liked us he just took the other girl home first, the drove back to the club to take a polish guy home. J can speak a bit of Polish and talked to this guy the whole time. In the end he gave her his bracelet. Because J kept telling Ammar that I would be getting married next year and my VERY jealous husband and had already called about five times he decided to finally drive us home at about 3: 30. Funny night!
Yesterday my bf's sister visited me and I had a great conversation with her. I am really glad I have her. She such a caring loving person.

Birthday

Its my birthday today!!! Yeah!!!

To celebrate the occasion I went climbing in a forest today.Its a great place.There are platforms on the trees and you have to get from one tree to another by walking over shaky boards of woods,ropes etc.At one point my power almost left me....almost. Henny took the camera out of my bag,so we only had his phone to take pictures. Dont we loook great?

When I came home my mom had a nice lunch ready for me. Noodle caserole. Yummy!
In the afternoon we had my grandma over for cake and coffee. I got lots of calls and they truly made me happy.
Now,my two best friends will come over and we'll have some cocktails. Tomorrow, we'll have another party at the appartment :)
Great weekend!

Crying

Currently crying my eyes out because summer is FINALLY back and henny promised to go to the pool with me tomorrow and now his boss called and asked if he could work tomorrow and Henny said yes. I had dreamed about the two of us going to the pool for weeks since he is always very busy during the semester. It seems like he never ever is going to spend time with me. I only came to the appartment because of his promise and now Im alone in our appartment. So, so sad.
Nico also complained a lot today. About his surgery and the meanness of life in general. How can you stay positive when you are surrounded by people like this?