Happy Easter

Happy Easter! I hope you can celebrate with your family and just enjoy the day.

Hendrik and I celebrated with my family and enjoyed the yummy lunch my mom made (mom's cooking will always be the best).

Afterwards we went on a little walk in the forest and played a bit on the jungle gym ;)

Currently

 Currently my life consists of nothing but stuyding. I have only 14 (!!!), in words fourteen days left as a student. Can you believe it? I definitely cannot. But these fourteen ones will be some of the most intense ones. I feel bad for even taking the time to write this blog. It's so bad that I do not even realize that Easter is coming up (hard to belive when it still occasionally snows outside anyway). I'm going home with empty hands tomorrow. Usually our family gives each other a littlesomething. This year I did not have the time to shop. While I know that this is not the true meaning of Easter, I feel bad. I am only going to hide some chocolate in our garden for Hendrik.
This whole studying and lack of social life has made me pretty depressed and I started worrying about a lot of things again. Will my oral exams be ok? Will I get a job in the fall? Where will that job be? Can I continue living with Hendrik? What will I do during the summer? But, then there was this quiet voice in my head again which gets louder as soon as I get quiet to enough to listen to it: "It will all be ok". And then someone posted this song on facbeook and I cannot stop listening to it. Unfortunately, it is in German, but her voice alone is beautiful. It is called "Put your worries down"and asks to let God take care of your sorrows and the peace God is giving you (hope the video works)

Aaand some good news: I am going to Sardinia, Italy the week after my last exam. It's just a mini vacation, but I am pumped. I am going to eat my weight in pizza and ice cream.

Another snow day

            *thank you for your encouraging comments on my last post. They meant a lot to me*

So, it snowed AGAIN!It is the middle of March and it still snows almost every week. I cannot remember the last time we had that much snow in one winter. This morning when I opened my window I would have liked the yell at all the snow, but it does not help. So I decided to finally acknowledge all the snow and take some pictures (with my phone since I am home with my parents over the weekend).

 The path I made on the sidewalk. German precision! You are supposed to do it until 8 on the weekends, I did it around noon.

                     The garden where I spent my childhood. I had to resist the urge to build a snow man.

                                                        What is left from the swing set

                                                                   Our balcony

My foot prints

Dear winter! Now that You got your attention. Could you please go away and let spring come. I need some sunshine. I want to put my boots and coat away so bad. See you in a few (hopefully long) months!

never say never?

I just received the dates for my last two oral exams and OF COURSE as always I got the most stupid dates ever. 8th of April and 11th of April. I don't know how I can possibly do that. I still have that big English exam next week. My head is full. I need a break. Just one day. The first one is a biology exam and I am scared of it anyways. Now I do not even have the time to study. The time is too short even if I cut out every thing like sports, blogging, TV and time with hendrik. But I need these things to stay sane. I could postbone it    half a year, but I want to graduate this spring with my friends. I want to move on. I am sick of this student life.
Right now I am just crying and writing, throwing myself a pity party. There are no words for this. I am done.

The comforts of a long term relationship

Hendrik and I have been together for six years and have been living together for two and a half. Needless to say we know each other very well. He knows everything about me and I know all about him. I know all his quirks and he knows mine. And I absolutely love it. Right now, it is almost four p.m. and I am wearing my pyjama pants and I mostly lounge in bed, because this is the place I like to study. Can you imagine how I look? Well, Hendrik still told me I was beautiful. This to me is the comfort of a long term relationship. He knows every little detail about me and some things are not perfect, but he still loves exactly this and I can laugh about his strange habits. I would not ever change this. It is so relaxing. At the beginning of our relationship I still stressed about so many things and tried to be perfect. There is no pretending now. I have absolutely no desire to go back to this awkward first stage. We laugh about things nobody else would ever laugh about and sometimes I catch myself explaining something we like to talk about to other people and they don't get it. But that's ok. It is probably the same way when I talk to my high school friends, but with Hendrik this is at much higher level.
I hope you get this right. I don't mean to brag and if you read my blog last year you know that we have definitely had our share of trouble. But I am very proud of the fact that we used this as a chance and worked very hard to get back into our old "groove".

I ♥ spring

It the last days the temperatures have FINALLY risen to an acceptable scale after what seemed like another eternal German winter. I usually can't wait for spring to come by the end of January. So, I am super excited now (not that it helps my studying).

Here are all the reasons why I love spring:

- the colors (flowers, people's clothes ;), the grass the sky)
- the blue sky which is enough to make me happy
-  finally being able to go running outside again. This alone is a celebration.
-  it being light in the mornings and the fact that it is light outside longer in the evening which results in more energy
- wearing nicer clothes ( I don't like being bundled up)
- people seem to get friendlier and somuch more relaxed
- Easter egg hunt
- the smell of the sun (it smells, I swear) and the feeling of sun on my face.
- the awakening of nature. This is a true miracle.
- riding my bike to university
- relaxing outside in the sun
- me looking less like a ghost
- the sound of children playing outside

Can you add something?

On not having an appetite

Although I hardly have any side effects of my chemo ten years ago, I certainly have one.: I hardly ever have an appetite. And since I was diagnosed with this VERY light form of crohn's disease it has gone completely aboard.
I am never hungry. I usually only eat because I like the smell or the taste. Some might think this is great, because it is very easy to loose weight . It is, but I don't want to loose weight. I have to schedule meals and I never know how much I should eat because I feel like I am done the minute I start. Often I start to feel dizzy or have an headache, because I actually forgot to eat. Often I also go jogging or swimming and wonder why  I don't have any energy only to realize that I forgot to eat prior to my work out.
Last week I had blood taken and when the doctor called me he told me I was malnurished and told me to get some liquid meals to fatten me up. So I went gto the pharmacy and got these drinks. They are digusting. They come in all sorts of flavors but my tummy hurts afterwards because the are so nourishing.
Another funny aspect  that has to do with my inability to absorb nutritients is my relationship with alcohol. I get drunk VERY easily. Give me two glasses of wine and I am wiped out  (there is a glass of sangria next to me right now...my first). This was so much fun in High school. During my last year of high school I went partying about once a week (a lot for this boring grandmother) and people usually could not believe I could be drunk after 2 drinks. To clarify: I remember every night of my life and plan to keep it that way, but after two drinks I usually just sit in the corner and eventually fall asleep (I am NOT a night owl).
Anyways, when I came home to have lunch with my parents today my mother greeted me with the words: "Oh, thank God! Your lovely cheeks are back." So , the (very expensive drinks...way too expensive drinks for a student) are doing some good. I must have forgotten to eat a few times during all the studying I have been doing the last couple of weeks ;)
Should I have another glass of sangria? It tastes so good....