Things to be thankful for

I went to the cinema with Hendrik yesterday. And it was great!!! I held my hand constantly, gave me lots of kisses and so on. He finally was the guy I met almost 5 years ago. Today, when I briefly saw him, he was the same :) He even wants to quit with his fraternity which would be great since they had such a bad influence on him.
Additionally, the girl he kissed and has been stalking (literally stalking) him ever since is not allowed to get near him (we had to go to court, because it got ugly).

My hard core biology studying is going great as well. I feel like I might actually pass this exam.

I got the job I apllied for!

Summer is back:) All summer i was complaining about the low temperatures. Now, it seems to me like summer just decided to be in spring and autumn this year.

Only great news today! :) :) :)

If I....

If I could have any job in the world... I would become a teacher like I do (ask me again in 10 years)

If I had a day to myself.... I would go to a spa, get a massage, a new haircut, my nails done. Then I would go shopping, take a long good nap, go swimming and drink cocktails in the evening

If I could live anywhere.... Hard decision....maybe florida... maybe South Africa, on the back of the Table Mountain (certainly found my personal heaven there)

If I could have any talent in the world....I would like to be able to swim VERY fast. Swimming is a great sport! (if I haven't mentioned this yet)

If you met me in real life... I would ask you A LOT of questions. Im very interested in other people's life. But not in a nosy way.

If money was no object... I would buy a nice house, nice furniture, go on a lot of vacations, save some money for my future kids, send my parents on a few nice vacations

If I could meet one celebrity, it would be.... Lance Armstrong!!! He was my childhood hero. Still think he's amazing (at least for the sports part) no matter if he doped or not

If I could shop at any shop for the rest of my life... it would be karstadt. They have got great clothes and everything else you need

If I could go on a trip right now... I would go to Turkey with Henny. Just relax at the beach for a week, eat a lot, drink even more and talk most of the time

If I could choose between a house cleaner and a personal chef... house cleaner for sure! I would never have to argue about cleaning up again with Henny

If I had the option of plastic surgery.... maybe I would have my nose corrected but I probably not do anything because I would be too scared.

My day

Outside my window: The street is settling down, the sun begins to set and the leaves begin to fall

I am thinking: of my friend Jan's birthday party I'll go to in about 90 minutes! Yeah! (will miss Henny though)

I am smelling: nothing

I am thankful: for my family who support me every single day. My best friend Bine and my bf who can be so sweet if he wants. God watching over me :)

I am wearing: Jogging trousers and a sweatshirt (already start missing the T- Shirts)

I am reading: "A love that multiplies" Love the Duggar family! (When does the new season start?)

I am hoping: My best friend and I can really do the biology course we are supposed to do next week next year because it's just tooo much stress right now and it would really be making me feel better.

I am hearing: My brother typing on his laptop (my room is his living room)

My music: silence after a long day of studying and running around

I look forward to: seeing henny more often soon.+ The day after the biology exam

Fall

Since I wrote a blog about all the things I love about summer in May, I will try to write about what I love about fall. This is hard since fall is my least favorite season. I could probably write more about what I hate about fall, but I want to force myself to look at this from a positive perspective.

I like
- putting on my cuddly warm jackets and pullovers
- picking apples
- eating "Zwetschgenkuchen" (plum cake??) made by my mom
- all the colors
- jogging with the leaves falling around me
- the feeling of finally having made it throgh yet another semester (German universities.....)
- knowing it is Christmas soon (well, at least kind of soon)
...
can't think of more. What do you like about fall?

New Age (HOPE)

There is some new hope in my heart. I don't know why, but for the first time I feel like I might be able to pass biology in october (prayers wanted). I don't abolutely dread studying biology every single day anymore. I know that this will end in two and a half weeks and I will be able to move on. Which means that I will go back to my apartment. I really miss the privacy and the quiet there. Here it is always loud. Somebody is constantly entering my room without knocking. But most of all I miss Henny. I miss to just talk for hours and hours. I miss getting hugs and kisses. I miss waking up beside him....sometimes I even miss the chaos:). I hope this all works out. Like I said I believe we are meant to be together (forever). This afternoon we will go to a very nice indoor pool (summer is ofically over). I look forward to that and I will try really hard to focus on the positive things. I will NOT scold him for everything he does wrong (Im not his mom). I will make it a great day.

The vacation I had planned with three of my friends is not going to happen :(. The two girls cannot come and Im not going on a vacation with a guy alone. This does not feel right as long as I have a boyfriend.

Hope you have a great day!
Smile!

Greek dinner

Yesterday I went out for dinner with Henny. We went to a lovely greek place and got one meal free beacuse of the coupons we have (should have gotton both meals free because of the money Greece coasts Europe right now :)). I enjoyed the evening very much. We got to talk a lot and even cuddle a bit. Henny is very worried about the future and afraid of the girl he kissed since she stalks him. She sends him letters and other stuff and threatens me on fb. I wish she just left us alone!
Henny is very sad to be alone in the flat but we both know its for the best. I miss my flat as well..... and my gym and my flowers. I look forward to going back.
My days are mostly spend working on biology and this won't cahnge until the seventh of october. Please pray that I don't fail. I never failed so far but Im always scared of it.
Maybe Henny and I will go on a vacation then. Which would be awesome since I miss the sun already.Originally I wanted to go with two of my friends. But one of them cannot get off at work and the other one is a guy and Im not going on a vacation alone with a guy as long as I have got a boyfriend.

Good news

I just came back from a date with Hendrik and it was fun!!!! I know why I love him. Seems to regret the things he did. Finally some good news! :) :) :)

Dementors

You know the Dementors in Harry Potter? They are supposed to suck all the happiness out of me. I would love so much to ONCE talk about positive things but I feel like one of these Dementors is my constant companion these days. Autumn, biology and the uncertainty are too much for me. My day consists only of studying biology. I cannot concentrate because I think about Henny all the time.I feel like Im not making any progress at all! After studying I do some kind of sport and sit in front of this f...ing computer in the evenings. All my friends are out, being more or less happy. They all seem to be fallig in love right now which leaves no place for me. I talk to my parents a lot but they can not substitute Henny or my friends.This life sucks! But I know the sun will shine again one day. Pray hard for me if you find the time. Thanks :)

Status quo

I desperately want to make things work out with me and Henny. We both made mistakes and our relationship was not as a relationship was supposed to be when the studpid kiss happened. But we can do better because we've done it before. Our problem is that we are both young and change a lot as our lives cahnge a lot. Most of my friends believe we should break up, but we both want to make it work. We love each other. Im sure I do and Henny appears to be sure as well.
Originally, I said we would not see each other for the next few weeks. My plan is to slowly get used to each other again with as little of the every day stress as possible. So we decided to date. Im going out for dinner with him tomorrow. Im excited. Either tomorrow is going to be very disapointing or I'll love him even more.
I refuse to give up! Even without the support of my friends because I never met a person like Henny. I strongly believe we are meant to be together. Life has taught me that I have to fight for most things and Im ready to do so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

September

My least favorite month! Summer is winding down and what lies ahead is a seemingly endless winter. The days get shorter and Im honestly not used to living in the dark again. Im used to the sun going to bed after me and getting up before me.
Septembers usually mean Im studying for some kind of Biology exam. Usually it was didactics, this time it is microbiology. Sounds bad and is even worse. So, September means adjusting to cooler weather, being stuck in the house to STUDY all day because university has not started yet. Its good to get out of the house at some point during the day. I usually do some kind of sport every day. Still, I hate it. Please let it be March soon!

Now, I really have to get started with my f.... biology!

What's September like for you?

Crisis

So all these problems between Henny and me exploded last week. I got a message from one of my friends in the middle of the night. She was in a club where Henny was kissing another girl! Huge shocker! I did not sleep the rest of the night because I did not know what to do. As you might have noticed I want this relationship to work SO BADLY! In the morning I talked to a lot of people. My parents and my two best friends, and Hennys sis. Nobody was really surprised of our major crisis which I finally fully admitted. I told them everything. Maybe not the sex part which is certainly part of the problem, but this is something only me and Henny talk about. I had always said that I would seperate from my by if he should cheat on me. And kissing to me is cheating.
I decided to make a list of all the things that have to change and decided to forgive henny. Yet, I vowed that our relationship has to change cause I was really sad about the state it was in the last couple of months (yes, its months- long fight).I went to Hennys mom's house, presented him with the list and told him that we would not see each other for the next six weeks. I was going to stay at my parents' house and he could have the appartment to his own since he cant live with his mom.
I drove home, cried for the rest of the day and the next. That evening I went out with my two best friends who also seperated from their bfs recently (2011 seems to be the year of seperations). Henny wrote me messages on facebook telling me he finally understood and he missed me. he has been doing since then. He sounds like he really understood something at last, but we'll see. I will give him this chance but it will definitely be the last. I promised myself that and after this week I know that I can be single. I might find someone else one day. But in the meanwhile we are bot trying to find out what went wrong. I strongly believe that it is not only his fault that we can't have a relationship with each other right now. I rejected him a lot if times when he was looking for some love as simple as a hug. Additionally, he had to go out on his own too often.I can change that. I hope he changes as well since we both really want to be together (for ever).