What happened since I came back from the USA?

So, how do I start?

Hi, I am still alive ;)

I never intended to take a break from blogging. It somehow happened. My time in the US has been life changing. I grew very independent because I was away from everybody I knew for 3 months. When I was on this plane from Germany to Minneapolis all I could think for 8 hours was : "What am I doing? What was I thinking? What am I doing to my boyfriend?" I gained everything. I gained friends I will be in contact´with forever. Incredible people who I still mis every single day almost 5 months after I left. I gained memories I think about a lot and I gained a pride and confidence in myself that I can do anything. When I came back, I did not know where to start again.
I came back on Hendrik's birthday, but he could not pick me up from the airport. While I had been away he had started a job where he was basicly exploited for the duration of his contract. Until the end of January he got up at 5 every day to go to work and returned at about 6:30. Totally exhausted and frustrated. The worst part was that he had to go to job fairs almost every weekend. After being apart for more than 3 months, we almost did not have any time together until recently. It was tough. I missed him, because in the few hours I saw him he was tired. I spent a lot of hours alone. There were weeks where I spent more nights alone than with him. We were both hurting. A lot. He did this all to write his thesis. In the end even that did not work out. I don`t understand why this happened. Sorry I sound so depressed.
Jobwise I had to make some decisions to make as well. I decided not to start my last two years of teacher training at school, but instead to postpone it half a year and not worry about grades for a while since for the last two years of the teacher training you do teach your own classes, but are evaluated constantly. Instead I decided to do a certificate to teach bilingual classes (biology in English in my case) at another university.  The first week I felt like a complete loser going back to school. I had graduated in May and vowed never to come back, but here I was. In the end it turned out well. I had fun, but it was weird. All my friends from uni started teaching so I felt kind of left out. But now I hope to start teaching in May and since you cannot apply directly to the schools, but you apply to the state you live in, I am quite nervous about the letter I will be getting in March. They could send me anywhere and I am scared since I want to stay where I am. I want to stay with Hendrik and near my friends and family, but I will have to accept it.
Apart from uni, I also did some substitute teaching and continued tutoring. Substituting was fun. I have taught before during my placements, but this was something totally different since you don't have a lesson plan, but do whatever the teacher you are replacing wants you to do. You never know what to expect and sometimes the kids test their boundaries since you are "only" the substitute and cannot give any grades. But I still love it which is a good sign for my future.
Since I had a litlle more free time (alone time, because of Hendrik's job) I turned into a real gym addict which sounds good at first, but it led me to slowly lose quite bit of weight when I did not have to lose any to begin with. If you read and remember one of my previous posts, I have a problem with my appetite and maintaining my weight. I don't really feel hunger due to the chemo I received ten years ago and I can easily go a day without eating if I am busy and don't tell myself to eat. I usually manage to eat quite regularly, but with Hendrik being away so much and me going to the gym, I lost the weight. I don't look anorexic or anything, but I will have to watch out from now on.
All right, rant is over. Despite all of this, I am still very happy right now. I just wanted to write down all the issues I have had to face during the last months. I feel like I have grown through it all. I really like the person I am now. I simply feel comfortabl with myself. The last half a year, has allowe me to look back and see what I have achieved and I fell quite proud and optimistic about the future.