Dwelling on a problem is like worshipping it

Life has been a mix of everything lately. Hendrik is home again and while he was in the clinic he found a church he likes. It's an international church so everything is in English which I love of course. The people are very friendly and really try to make you feel welcome. In the beginning they asked us a lot of questions and it was quite nice to talk to them because they seemed to be truly interested in us. They also were the first church related people in a long time that did not look at us as if we had grown a third eye when we mentioned that we lived together while not being married. The downside of this new church is that it is near Frankfurt which means we have to travel an hour and a half by train and subway to get there. Still, I'm glad we found it.
Yesterday we had a bible study meeting and we were talking about hope. Hope is a big word for me. I am usually positive and (try to) believe in the good in everything. As you might know I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease in May. While I do not have any stomach cramps I still need to take the f...king cortison (I hate to use this word, but it is truly appropriate word here). Cortison made me completely loose my appetite, causes pain in my joints and also causes cramps in my legs. I had the hope to get of it, but the last blood test showed  that my colon is inflamed again so we have sto start all over again. :( On Tuesday I was in so much dispair. I hated my life and all the illnesses. It took me years to recover from leukemia and the last year with all the Hendrik drama was enogh in itself so I thought I deserved a break. Obviously, it goes on. Back to the topic of hope and tuedsday. During the bible study we learned that dwelling on the problem is like worshipping it which in my case seemed so true. Lately, I have spent far too much time thinking about my illness instead of counting my blessings of which there are many. Somehow this alone changed something in me. Also there is this story in the bible where Jesus tells Peter to walk on the water. First he is able to, but when starts to see the waves he begins to drown. So this means that the moment we loose trust, we begin to drown. I feel like I lately have been loosing trust in Gods plan for me. Today I am back on track and truly happy.

Sorry, for this bible lesson. This is not my usual subject, but needed to remember this.