Me and sports

I just realized that I never seem to blog about sports even though it is a huge part of me. This might be the reason why I never blog about it. It just seems natural to me, like the color of my eyes and I don't talk about this. Still, I decided to talk abou it today.
My mother was a professional dancer and my dad is also very sportive. Growing up my parents took me/ us skiing in the winter, paid for tennis lessons and always encouraged us be active and to engage in sports. Of course my mom had the hope that I would dance too. So I had ballet classes in kindergarten, 1st and second grade. If you know me today, you will know that dancing and me are two completely different things. I want to use my power, feel my breath and don't have the patience required for ballet. So I quit and went to athletics with my little brother. There I discovered my passion for long distance running. Both me and my brother were pretty good at it, but our coach prefered the other disciplines like sprint or long jump. There was not much support for us, I did not like my team mates and so I/we left. When I left I was thirteen, very frustrated and not very self-concious. I did not do anything for half a year.
Since I was five my family and I went to a swimming club every Saturday. On day one of the coaches told me I had talent and should train a little more. Honey for my soul! However, this swimming club only trains kids form 4- 12 which meant I had to find a different club. So, I tried out for a club near my hometown. I did not know any of the kids but still started to practise with them. The problem with sports and Germany is that it is totally independent from school. Thus, you get no support from school and often sport interferes with school. If you want to have good grades in school, you can't do too much sport. Hence, most of the swimming kids were not good at school The club wanted me to train 9 times a week and often spend my whole weekend at competetions. I know this is common in the US, yet it does not seem to work here. So, I quit again after a year. I decided to become my own coach and I was good at it. I read a lot of books and really achieved something. I must have had great discipline:) Additionally, I had fallen in love with Lance Armstrongs books when I was thirteen so I rode my bike on the days I did not swim (at least in the warmer half of the year). I was certainly fit!
One day the coach of a different team asked me if I would like to join them since he had seen me training on my own. I said yes and discovered that a classmate I did not really like was on the team as well. Umph! However, i got to know her better and a friendship started to develop. Together with my brother, who joined me as well, we had a lot of fun. I liked the team, I liked th coach. Everything was perfect. We went to school, did our homework and went swimming almost every day. This team did not make me swim as many competitions as the other one and the pressure was lower. It was simply awesome.

Me and some of the little kids


Our team at a team competition


When I graduated and went to college I stayed home with the hope that my swimming life would continue (I was naive, I know). However, most of the swimmers my age left and after battling and slowly starting to hate siwmming I left as well. I miss it and often think of the great times we had. I did not join another swimming team when I moved, but I started running a lot. I go to the gym and run on the tread mill together with my boyfriend. On Saturdays I go to the pool by myself again, like I did when I was 13. Saturdays have been my swimming day since I was 5 and they always will be. Some things never change!

What kind of sports do you do?

Don't read if happy

Back in June I vowed to only blog positives from now on since no one likes to read whiny blogs. Yet, this blog is also my journal and feel like I have to write about negative things as well. So, if you are in a good mood just skip this post :).

There's something wrong with Nico's (my brother) lip. Since the surgery one week ago it looks weird. I don't even want to write this because I had hoped soo much that finally everything would be ok. It is not. And it breaks my heart. My does he have so much bad luck??? This is UNFAIR. I BEGGED god last week to finally let this be his last jaw surgery. Now this...Nico is depressed, of course. Seriously depressed and we don't know what to do. When I was home at the weekend I almost could not stand this sad, sad mood.

I will quit my job tomorrow. I feel like it's not good for me since you have to work very fast which makes me nervous. Nervous nervous. I suffer a lot. About two days before I have to work I start being sad. This is not helpful in my current situation. If it was my real job I would fight, but this is only a stupid student job and there are others. Still, I feel like a failure. I wanted to prove that I could do it, that I would not simply give up because I have to fight. Yet, it makes no sense. My mouth turns dry the second I start and I sweat like crazy.

I honestly thought there were better times ahead after all the mess with hendrik was over. But it isn't. 2011 is not my year. That's for sure. 6 more weeks to go! 2012 has to be better!

Sorry, for this post.

My brother

On Wednesday my brother is having yet another surgery. It all started in July 2010. He had surgery on his jaw which was pretty hard for all of us. I've never seen my poor little brother so sad and desperate. He looked so different. It was a 9 hour surgery. He had just graduated from High School and instead of having a careless summer of fun, he went to the hospital to have this terrible surgery and recovered for the rest of the summer. The first time he could bite into an apple again was in December! It was very hard. Because of all this he did not begin to study in fall. Instead he learnt Latin. That's my nerdy brother. If you have a gap year, learn Latin FOR FUN.
In February he had the nails removed and we hoped that the next step could be his nose because if you move what's underneath (the jaw) what's above will also change. But when the swelling went away he could not close his mouth properly again. Turns out the surgeon made a mistake. This means that on Wednesday (half a year and countless doctors visits later) he is having another surgery. And another in February to do his nose. My hear aches for him. He still could not start to study because all of this s..t (sorry, but there is no other word to describe it). I want him to be well so badly. He's my little brother after all. The last weeks were just hard again. All his friends moved away since most of them had done a gap year as well and now went to college. He became very depressed. He hardly left the house. I cannot imagine how hard this has to be for my parents. Im gone most of the week. But whenever I come home he is in his room. On top of all this, he's a perfectionist. Everything from his trousers to his hair cut to his job has to be absolutely perfect. Good is not enough. He wants to study medicine. But it is hard to get admitted. He has a VERY good A- level, but it might not be good enough. I would do anything to help him. If I could, I would have the surgeries for him. I love him soo much. And I can't stand to see him hurt again. But there's nothing I can do.
I was in love with him since the day he was born. It's the first memory I have of my life. My grandma woke me up to tell me that I had a brother. I was two at the time. During the next 10 years we were hardly apart. We played together and did our sports together. In school I watched over him (as much as he allowed me). When we grew older we also grew apart. But I never stopped terribly loving him. And I believe he did too. He does not talk about such things. When I graduated I stayed home for 2 years because of him. I thought we might have more good times together. which we did. but during the past ten years there was always something inside me hoping for more. If I could I would still be best friends with him. But that's not possible. We have to be individual persons. That's at least what he seems to think. He built some very high walls around him. Still, that does not mean I would not do ANYTHING for him. He's so bitter now. He won't even let me hug him... which hurts soooo bad. Can't I have my cute, cheerful brother back, PLEASE!!!!
If you find time, could you pray for him? It would mean a lot to me...and to him.

Prayer for a Friend (Casting Crown)

I LOVE this song by Casting Crown. It's exactly how I feel about my brother. I would do ANYTHING for him. I love him so much. He had to face several surgeries during the last years. He's incredibly brave. This left him quite depressed. I don't know how to help him. God is the only one who can! Pray for him if you have got the time.

"Prayer For A Friend"

Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You
Complicated circumstances have clouded his view
Lord, I lift my friend up to You

I fear that I won't have the words that he needs to hear
I pray for Your wisdom, oh God, and a heart that's sincere
Lord, I lift my friend up to You

Lord, I lift my friend to You
My best friend in the world, I know he means much more to You
I want so much to help him, but this is something he has to do
And Lord, I lift my friend up to You

'cause there's a way that seems so right to him
But You know where that leads
He's becoming a puppet of the world, too blind to see the strings
Lord, I lift my friend up to You
My friend up to You

Lord, I lift my friend to You, I've done all that I know to do
I lift my friend to You

Let me introduce myself

I thought it might be a good idea to inroduce myself before really getting started.

Ok, my name is Anne, Im currently 22 years old and I live in Germany. Goodbye to those people who still believe we are racists, we wear dirndls and drink beer all day long and didn't join the Iraq war because Germany is next to Iraq (my ears honestly had to hear somebody dumb saying exactly that one day).

Still there?

I´ll continue: I want to become a High school teacher. In Germany every teacher has two subjects. Mine are English (love it) and biology (absolutely hate it). I moved to the city I'm studying in november 2010. I share an appartment with my boyfriend. Totally love this guy but sometimes he and his quirks freak me out. We've been together since 2007! He'sa  student at the college as well and of course our schedules are the complete opposite. He mostly has classes in the afternoon while I have to get up in the middle of the night.
Moving out meant leaving my family:) I love my family. My (cute) little brother is two years younger than me. He's a perfectionist which worries me a lot. Everything he does and wears plus the way he looks has to be perfect which is (as we all know) impossible. He had surgery on his jaw last year and this year because there was something wrong. And now he reduces himself to his imperfection. But he has got so much to offer... :( I want to protect him like I always did, but you can't protect a 20 year old, can you?
Then there are my parents. awesome people as well of course. My dad is a High School teacher and my mom owns a pharmacy. They both worked terribly hard while raising us. Im proud to be their daughter!
Now, I can start to describe this crazy,busy, funny life!