30 day challenge: 1

Since I am alwys searching for topics to write about, I was glad to fin the 30 day challenge over at Elle-oh-v-ee's blog. I like the topics and so I decided to participate. Im one day behing though :) And Im extremely busy because of all the exams (excuses, excuses).

So, here's the schedule



Day 1:Talk about your current realtionship.

Well, as you know my partner in crime is Hendrik. I wrote about our love story (listed underneath the heading if you are interested) so I won't retell it. Last year was not a very good one for our relationship. Somehow we both got frustrated/ overwhelmed. We had moved into an appartment in November 2010 and our love somehow was buried underneath all the dirty dishes and other houswork that had to be done. Since the horrible day in September we are slowly recovering which is harder than both of us thought. We both love each other and strongly believe in a future together. Some of my friends do not like get settled on a guy just now which is why they told me to just get rid of Hendrik in September. I don't want to and while some don't understand that we cling to each other we will continue to do so.
We met when I was 18, he was 19 which means that on Monday (January 30) is our 5 year anniversary (woot woot). We have lived through a lot together and Im proud of that. Today, I forgot my dictionary which I needed for my exam and he brought me it along whith some chocolate. We are both extremly busy so I spent a lot of time alone at the appartment while he works which is hard and leads to arguments but, how do you say, we are young and need the money (we are still both students).

A heart hidden

A women’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man seeking God will find her there.

What a beautiful saying, I’ve held it close for so long now. Every time I read it or hear it my heart beats just a little faster.

Most of us would agree that our hearts long to be hidden (safe, secure and adored) in someone. But I believe we also find the thought of a man searching God to know our heart is precious and we feel cherished, loved and accepted.
Living our daily life often does not mean to hide your heart in God. It means to be consumed with the world. To have a boyfriend, to have the right clothes, to say the right things... we get so overwhelmed. So many girls believe that their image is found in these things.

Often I struggle so much, trying to understand who I am, what I am supposed to be and if I am ever going to be cool/hip enough for some people.

Recently, I discovered this quote and rediscovered the importance of sharing my faith with my future husband. When I met Hendrik he perfectly matched the picture described above. He gave me a bible on our first or second date. He even made me read it. (At this time I believed, but did not read the bible) We went to church together because HE wanted to. Today, almost five years later, it is the other way around. I read the bible every night and want to go to church. He also wants to go to church but has not touched a bible in some time. What hurts most is the fact that he does not live a very good Christian life right now. It's in him but he struggles to find it. God's voice is very hard to hear and with the loud lifestyle he lived until very recently he is not really able to hear it. Every night I pray that God gets closer to him and I ask God to please show me if he is the one. I want him to be and he can be the perfect one. But right now he is often busy with other things. "God, please let him find a way back to you. Not because of me, but because he is special to you and he needs you in his life."

Life today

Today I am happy because the sun shines. I am happy because Hendrik gave me a braclet and really tries hard to be the person again he onces was. For the first time in months (since that horrible day in September to be exact) I KNOW that Hendrik does not cheat on me anymore. I always had doubts because he still spent a lot of time with his friends. The ones I think have a bad influence on him. During the last weeks he stopped and is home more or at work (where I can call him). I did not know how hard the road I planned to travel was back in September. I thought I could immeadiately trust him again. FAIL! And yes, I would do it again. He's there to support me when I'm crying because life breaks my heart. He tries to help me when he can. And he constantly tries to hug or kiss me which I cannot allow because I need this high security fence around me to feel safe. Love means you are vulnerable which is something I cannot be, believe I cannot be. Every night I pray for my heart to find some peace which it sometimes finds for minutes. The rest of the day I'm struggling. I'm scared what might happen next. I don't want to complain. I know that life could be a lot harder, but your life and your job is always the hardest, right?
I'm happy because I might have found the solution to my term paper problem. The one about kingship in the Middle English romances where there is almost no literature about. Yeah! I had a dissertation on a mikrofilm come to my university. Now I have to spend hours with an ancient machine, similar to a slide projector, and scan the pages which might take days. But still, I have a solution.
I'm happy because I do not have to work today which leaves me more time for my university stuff and this might mean I could get some things done (if I finally leave the computer that is).
I'm happy because after going to the gym Henny will stay home and we will go out to drink some cocktails. After this I'll probably totally happy because Henny will be his old self (he always is when his stupid friends are not there) and afterwards I might be able to fall asleep quickly. Now, I'll have to get started with my work for university otherwise the day off will lead to nothing but cocktails.

Random thoughts

My brother's surgery went well on Wedenesday. Tomorrow my parents are going to drive to Stuttgart to pick him up. Now, we all pray that when the swelling goes away everything will look fine and most important, my brother likes the result. Thanks to everyone who prayed :)
My life here is the usual. Lots of university and lots of work. Little sleep. I did not have the time to do as much sport as I would like to this week, but it was a good week. I have two offers to tutor kids but I don't know if I can accept them since I'm already this busy. Next week I have to work twice for the job I got in September plus tutoring the twins once. Yet, I think I could push myself harder and do it all. I still have free time in the evening I could use for Sport etc. But then, I'm usually very tired in the evening. I don't even want to start thinking about what I could do with the money. Planes come to my mind... Extremely tempting!!! Any advice?
I have had two good weeks with Hendrik. He cooks for me, does some (more)housework which extremely helps. I sometimes have the feeling that I just have to train him a little harder and he will be Mr Right. But it's a lot of work.
This weekend we've got a little partying planned. As you might have notice I'm not a party animal. I just don't like places where the music is so loud that you cannot have a conversation with the person standing next to you. And I don't like to go out in the middle of the night. I prefer having a nice long conversation on someone's couch and then say goodbye at midnight. Some people say I'm missing out on something, but I don't agree. After years of pretending to be someone I'm not and partying at the weekends, I'm happy the way it is now. Sometimes I'll go out and dance a bit. But afterwards I've usually had enough for the next month. So this weekend some people convinced me to get out of my shell and actually go out.
Enjoy your weekend!

Fraternity

Hendrik left his fraternity. For me. Because I said I couldn't live with the way he changed. They drink a lot of alcohol without a reason and their view of the world is...well, undescribable. I did never want to take his friends away.I never thought he would really leave. But he did! He must really love me. The fraternity meant a lot to him.
Now, no one of his "friends" talks to him anymore. This is incredibly hard for him. He is understanding. He says that's the way you treat someone who leaves. It's meant for life. I'm not. If they completely stop caring was there really a friendship? Then there's the laundry problem. We don't have a washing machine in our appartment. I take my clothes home and Hendrik used to wash his stuff at the fraternity house. When he left there was still some laundry at the house plus my favorite jacket. They said he could not have the stuff back! This was two weeks ago.
Hendrik's uncle, hajo, is in the fratiernity as well. In the last days I urged Hendrik to contact him. But Hendrik was scared. He thought Hajo might never talk to Hendrik again since he left the fraternity. But eventually he did. Hajo took care of the issue immeadiately. Now we have our stuff back. Hendrik is broken. I feel so bad. Because he did this for me. If it was not for me he would still have his "friends". Hajo wouldn't be mad at him. I don't know what to do.
The positive part is that it made me so angry that I just got on the dreaded dreadmill and ran 15 kilometers. For the first time EVER.

Quick update

Wow, time is passing quickly. My school/college started almost 2 weeks ago and for the first time in 7 semester I LIKE it. Maybe that's because I don't have too much to do (=don't feel overwhelmed)and do really like the professors (even the Biology ones).
Additionally, I started working. I'm not really sure I like it, because you have to stand for a very long time and work VERY fast. I do sort magazines into piles for different shops. After work I have excruciating backpain and I'm not really sure it's worth the money (although the money is good 10 Euros/ hour).
I finally live in the appartment again with Hendrik. We've had some rough days and some great days. It all changes so quickly. It's hard because I finally want to know how this ends. Will we stay together forever...or is there somebody else out there? Prayers are still needed and wanted.

How is your fall? Any fun activities? We don't really have pumpkin patches in Germany nor do we celebrate Halloween (except for some little kids).

My grammy :)

Since the biology exam last friday I have been lazy, very lazy... but I think I deserve it. I did not have a real break in about a year. Plus, I feel that it helps. I smile a lot more often (the last seven weeks were very hard). Today, when I went running I felt sooo happy. I finally had the time to run as long as I wanted..no time pressure..no nothing. Thanks God!
In the afternoon I made applesauce with my almost 90 year old grandma. I love her! At first she did not want to help, but then she got into it and I think she really enjoyed it:)




(I don't like pictures of me, especially from the side)

On Sunday I'll move back in with Henny. It's been very long seven weeks. We met a couple of times in the last week and had a good time. What I've learned is that we have to make a better effort at keeping dating each other. We talked to much about the household and never really had some time exclusively for us. I'm totally positive about all this. My parents (I have the feeling) are not. Probably they are just scared that I might get hurt again.But I finally have to start looking after myself. It's MY relationship, not their's. I cannot aim at making everybody happy when I'm unhappy with what thes want.
Prayers wanted!
Have you experienced similar situations? Parents not totally supporting? Moving back together after a break? Please tell me!

Ikea and other stuff

Yesterday I went to ikea with Hendrik. I love Hendrik ..... and ikea. When I buy I house I wnat to spend days there buying furniture. Henny was so patient with me. Love him for that. They have so many beautiful pieces, but since our appartment has everything it needs I could not really buy anything. Just some candles so I did not have to walk out empty handed. BUT I almost bought this rocking chair in blue. I've been wantning to buy it for almost a year. After I said good bye to all the beautiful stuff we bought the obligatory hot dogs and went to a mall. Again Henny was very patient.
I intended to buy a camera from my birthday money. Somehow I never managed to. But I PROMISE I'll search for one next week. Can your recommend one? I'm not very good in taking photos, so it does not need to be a fancy one.

Now, I really need to starty studying biology. The exam is on friday. AAAAAHHH! Keep your fingers crossed.

Things to be thankful for

I went to the cinema with Hendrik yesterday. And it was great!!! I held my hand constantly, gave me lots of kisses and so on. He finally was the guy I met almost 5 years ago. Today, when I briefly saw him, he was the same :) He even wants to quit with his fraternity which would be great since they had such a bad influence on him.
Additionally, the girl he kissed and has been stalking (literally stalking) him ever since is not allowed to get near him (we had to go to court, because it got ugly).

My hard core biology studying is going great as well. I feel like I might actually pass this exam.

I got the job I apllied for!

Summer is back:) All summer i was complaining about the low temperatures. Now, it seems to me like summer just decided to be in spring and autumn this year.

Only great news today! :) :) :)